First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
handjob tips. give me some.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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