I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
