your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
