all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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