allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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