Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
