The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
NoShamevember. You game?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
