I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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