so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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