Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
