i barfeds in our rink
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
