im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
