Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
