i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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