They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
