And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
