I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
