So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
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just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"