she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There r osticjed everywhere
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?