Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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