He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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