Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
