Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
