Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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