Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize