What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
