i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
