I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
