New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
