no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
