3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
