I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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