I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
