Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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