It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
