Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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