I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
