from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We are two peas in an std pod
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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