and i looked up. we had an audience...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
