It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
50% drunk capacity currently
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
