I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
