Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
