I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
