Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
