"it" just moved
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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