Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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