Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
