i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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