Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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