Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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