I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Boobs speak an international language.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
