That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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