But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
