i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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