You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
