you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
