both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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