he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
