walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
