They should really pass out barf bags in church
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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