before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
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Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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